It was a rainy day. I came to this town again. What is the reason? I can't answer this question even now. I don't belong here for sure, I can feel it. But still… something's calling me to come back. The only address I remember is yours so I came to your door to see you again. I know I was a real fool back then and I'm the one now. I haven't kept in touch with you for almost 4 long years.
I wonder what you would say when you see me standing at your door. Probably, you'd ask where I have been all this time. And I won't be able to give a direct answer. You are you and I'm still me. I've been thinking about our strange relationship for all this time. I'm sure that you'd like to know what happened to me that I left this town without even saying good bye. But the most irritating thing here is that I can't answer this question myself. You were so kind to me all the time while I have always tried to hurt and harm you. It's ridiculous, isn't it? I've always dreamed of a perfect world without force, violence, war and selfish people but…how did it turn out that the only person who is selfish here is me? I've never wanted to think of what other people want, what and how they feel. All I was doing was listening and following to what I was ordered to do and tried to do it perfectly.
And then it was you…the girl who've changed my life without even knowing it. You were you all the time. You were never afraid of calling things their names. You saw a human's heart in my body that reminds of a robot who doesn't feel any pain and feelings: neither inside, nor outside. What kind of person are you? I can never tell. You're like a closed book for me that I will never be able to read. And still you were offering me to read it. And I have never wanted to do that. Never until now. You'd ask why all of sudden, and again…I don't know the answer. I really can't understand myself. I keep on asking this question thousand times a day and still can't find the reason why.
Maybe the very reason is you? My head starts to hurt when I try to find all the answers. I remember that I made a promise to myself back then. I decided to never meet you again. But look at me now. All I could do was to stay away from you and keep that 4 years' distance between us. It's so pathetic.
And now I'm standing at your door not willing to stop this unusual feeling from rising in my chest. Finally, I managed to knock on your door. To my surprise the person who stood at the doorway was an old man instead of you. I can't remember what I asked but he told me that you'd moved on. I turned to leave and heard his voice. He said that you'd left your phone number so if I had any questions I could better ask you and not him. And now I was standing outside under the rain and a small sheet of paper was lying in my palm. I sat on the bench and looked at the numbers carefully. Somehow, I had tangled feelings in me. On the one hand I wanted to call you and hear you so badly, and on the other hand…I just couldn't.
I looked at the gray sky. The cold drops of waters were running down my exhausted face. I can't tell how my hand took a cell phone from my pocket but without any thoughts I dialed your number…not sure to put the phone or speak. I waited for several seconds and right before I wanted to push the disconnect bottom I heard a voice I once knew. All my body tensed. This voice answered in a sweet tone. It said "hello". I was silent. I could hear your breathing and I'm sure you heard mine as well. You said "hello" again than paused before I began to speak.
"Hey",-was all I managed to say. You didn't drop a word and still neither put the phone down. I was relieved. After some moments your voice reached my mind when you called my name.
"Is that really you?" It was so quite. But mine was no better. "Yeah. Look, I won't take you much time. Just tell me, can we meet? If so, give me a town, your address and I'll be straight down. I…"
You held your voice well, but there were tears I could tell. I feel I need so much to tell you like I never wanted before. I put down everything that you told me. Now, I had nothing forgotten in this town. I hurried to the railway station to catch a train that would bring me to your side. Thankfully, I managed to do it in time and now I was walking down your road. That strange feeling was rising inside again and I couldn't stop it from doing so.